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Setting Healthy Boundaries During the Holidays
Healthy boundaries and realistic expectations are essential for protecting mental health during the holiday season. Boundaries help safeguard your time, energy, emotional well-being, and personal space, while expectations influence how you feel the holidays “should” go. To support the community during this busy time, Manning Regional Healthcare Center (MRHC) is sharing tips to help individuals navigate these pressures and encourages anyone experiencing increased mental health concerns to seek professional support.
“The holidays are viewed as a joyful season, but the pressure to be happy can increase stress, especially for those already managing mental health conditions,” said MRHC Mental Health Counselor Hollie Schechinger, LISW. “This expectation can heighten feelings of depression or anxiety this time of year.”
When boundaries are unclear or expectations become unrealistic, individuals may experience guilt, heightened stress, and emotional fatigue. Clear boundaries and realistic expectations promote emotional stability and healthier holiday traditions. To support this, MRHC encourages individuals to intentionally establish boundaries, adjust expectations, and implement practical strategies that foster a more balanced and meaningful holiday season.
Types of Healthy Boundaries
- Emotional Boundaries: Protecting emotional safety by taking breaks when needed.
Example: “I need a few minutes to step away and take a break.” - Time and Energy Boundaries: Setting limits on availability or participation.
Example: “I can come for a bit, but I’ll need to leave by 6:00.” - Role Boundaries: Adjust caregiving, hosting, or “doing it all” expectations.
Example: “I can help set the table, but I can’t host this year.” - Conversation Boundaries: Redirect or decline topics that are stressful or triggering.
Example: “Let’s focus on positive memories today instead of difficult topics.” - Physical/Sensory Boundaries: Honor comfort, mobility, and health needs.
Example: “I need a chair with back support.”
Realistic Expectations to Hold
- Expect Mixed Emotions: Gratitude and grief, joy and loneliness, connection and stress can all exist at once.
- Expect Imperfection: Awkward silences, burnt food, last-minute changes, or tension are normal and do not mean failure.
- Expect Energy Limits: Fatigue may occur more quickly, and taking breaks or leaving early may be appropriate.
- Expect People to Be Themselves: Family members may continue their usual patterns, and individuals can focus on adjusting their own response regardless of others’ behavior.
- Expect Your Needs to Matter: Participation itself is meaningful; contribution does not require perfectionism or taking on excessive tasks.
Practical Strategies for Navigating Boundaries & Expectations
- Use “gentle but direct” phrases:
“I’m going to pass on discussing that topic.”
“Thank you for thinking of me, but that doesn’t work for me.”
“I need a little space; I’ll rejoin in a bit.” - Practice “short & kind” responses when explanations aren’t needed:
“No, thank you.”
“Not this year.”
“I’m taking care of myself today.” - Prepare a backup plan:
A quiet room to step away to, a supportive person to sit with, have transportation available if an early exit is needed, or a list of “safe topics.” - Release the pressure to please everyone:
Use the mantra: “I’m responsible for how I show up, not for how others feel.” - Normalize taking breaks:
Join in the moments that feel good, sit near an exit if that helps, take slow breaths, or step out for a short walk when things feel heavy. - Focus on today, not the past:
Stay present, let go of old roles or wounds, and create new traditions that fit your current reality.
Healthy boundaries and realistic expectations can make the holidays feel more manageable and emotionally safe. However, if feelings of sadness, anxiety, or stress begin to interfere with daily routines, seeking professional support is important. For those who are struggling, MRHC offers a range of mental health services for individuals of all ages:
Counseling Services: Available in person or virtually for individuals 12 and older. Call (712) 655-2072 to schedule an appointment.
Play Therapy: Supports children five and older dealing with stressful or traumatic experiences. Call (712) 655-2072 to schedule an appointment.
Senior Life Solutions: Group therapy for individuals 65+ struggling with anxiety, depression, or life transitions. Call (712) 655-8262 for support.
The Recovery Center: Residential and outpatient treatment for substance use concerns. Call the Recovery Center at (712) 655-2300 for help.
If you or someone you know is in immediate distress, contact the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text or call 988 for confidential, 24/7 support.
